Took me decades to write this letter to my Father.

My Dearest Papa,

“Sometimes the simplest things in life are the most difficult; I always thought that when I write to you it will be a cakewalk because I can say much to my Papa, the person whom I have known from the beginning of my life. But here I am today, trying to write and no words come out, I really don’t know what to say.

As I write to you today I am wondering what have you been to me? A friend, a guide, a mentor, an inspiration, a bright sun, a rainbow or just the lady luck shining on me in full glory? I do not know and perhaps never will but I can say one thing that you are very special.

There is so much that I have always wanted to tell you but never did because I am not very good at expressing my feelings to my family. Yes I can write and speak all the warmest and nicest things to my friends and other people but when it comes to my father and mother I find myself totally tongue tied and shy. Sounds bit strange but I am hesitant in the most valuable relationships so please overlook the inordinately long time that I have taken to write this letter.

My earliest clear memory of you and me is of the time when I must have been around 4 years old or so. There are so many memories which are crystal clear in my mind. I remember going for rides with you in the jeep every day and in those rides you would point out all the landmarks of the city and thanks to those guided tours that I still have a visual map of that small town in my mind.

The sleep time was always so exciting for it meant listening to stories narrated by you. Papa I have never told you but when I am asked by anybody as to how I am able to talk about so many subjects I tell them it’s because my father told me stories about everything. I remember the stories were not only the Lion and Mouse kind of stories but also stories about the countries of the world, about cultures, how languages emerged, what was Harappa & Mohanjodaro, and what were galaxies and what were the constellation of stars and so on. In keeping with my age the stories gave me all the knowledge which was not necessarily given in schools. And the knowledge you gave us was so practical, I learnt about flowers and vegetables in the garden, I learnt about stars and planets while sleeping open air in summers, I learnt about frogs and tadpoles while playing in the rain.

One thing I especially want to tell you is that today I have the confidence and personality because you never stopped me from doing anything. I played in the scorching sun, I climbed trees, I made funny crafts, I tried to create swings out of planks and did silly experiments like blasting a cracker inside a metal bucket to see how loud the noise will be and I put coins on railway track to see if they become magnets (they never did) but you only encouraged and explained what was happening. I grew up to be a curious person simply because my questions to you were always answered with patience even really abstract ones like are we the only living beings in the entire universe.

Dearest Papa another thing I feel is a real gift from you is my love for books, how and when you inculcated the sheer pleasure of reading in me I do not know but I do remember getting books as gifts on every occasion. The Thomas Hardy hardbound series remains my favourite and I remain a voracious reader.

Papa I want to tell you that there are so many things about you which make me feel so proud to be your daughter. I know I have never told you, was too busy taking you for granted, but I really like the strength of character and conviction in you just as I like your absolute confidence in yourself. The never say die attitude with which you approached everything has been a great influencer in my own life. You always encouraged me never to give up no matter what.

I feel the undying energy which I have always seen in you is something I consider amazing. Be it your office, or your tennis, writing technical papers, or writing poetry you always approached everything with an enthusiasm which has been contagious.

Another thing which greatly inspires me is the range of things you can do, you paint, you write, you play sports, you are such a great orator, you create lovely poetry, you are so well read, you can be so rustic at times and so sophisticated at other times and you have phenomenal command over both Hindi and English, you arrange best social events and are so respected and loved in office. How do you do it?

Then I simply admire the way you love me and my brothers over everything else. Our desires and aspirations have always been your number one priority. Sometimes I wonder how you could just make sure we got every opportunity we wished for! I know how much of your effort went into preparing us for life and our ambitions. With you I feel a deep sense of security because I know my father can do anything.

The confidence you always showed in my ability to achieve anything is the single most important factor which defines me today. Your belief that I could do anything I wanted has made me the person I am today. In fact I remember as a child whenever I said I can’t do this you always corrected me to say “never say you can’t say I don’t want to do this, because when you really want you can do it”. It still works for me.

I know you too do not express your love in words but I can always feel it in your eyes. Papa I do understand today that some feelings are beyond words.

I don’t think I will ever be able to tell you Papa how much of me as a person has been shaped by you. Every moment in which I have been with you I have learnt, and I have learnt things which no business school can teach me. You are a beautiful and stunning example of how lovely a life can be.

You know Papa having you as my father has been a gift of God as they say when God wants to give you something he sends it in human form or chooses a person to deliver you that something. For me you have been the person God has chosen. With you I always feel that anytime I need somebody to stand by me I can depend on you totally. I sometimes still feel as if you are holding my finger in your hand……..it is so comforting.

You are the most lovable father and above a wonderful person. Please always remain what you are.

I do not know when we will meet each other again in physical form but I feel you around me all the time….caring, protecting, guiding as only a father can do for his daughter. I know that you will always live in me. Thank you Papa I will always and always Love you.

“I know you see me,
I know you’re there,
But in my heart it’s not fair.
If I look up I see the sky,
And I know up there
It’s hard to hide.
The sky is soft blue,
With white milky clouds,
How can you be in a place
Not found?
In the end,
I fall to my knees,
Close my eyes and think of thee.