I think saying no can be the most powerful attitude women can practice and we will talk about 10 things you must say No to for happiness. Yes Hey Woman Say NoUnfortunately our socialisation is such that women find it difficult to say no and thereby create grounds for their own unhappiness. Today I am going to narrate a story of a woman I admire most.
We can call her Neetu and she is our regular next door neighbour. A very dignified lady she works in a bank. Her home always looks great and she is very particular about proper food being served. Neetu respects her elders and is a fantastic Mom. She helps her kids with all kinds of schoolwork, drops them to school before leaving for her office. Her day starts early and usually she is the last one to sleep. She takes full care of her husband always remembering how he likes his coffee. I hardly get to talk to her as she is always busy balancing her work and family, and she does it with a smile. The other day we ran into each other in the metro and got a chance to talk. She smiled and said I like the way you dress I smiled back and said and I like way you keep your house. Neetu said yeah but I am so tired, I have everything but I am not really happy, I feel taken for granted and however much I try people still are complaining. I am exhausted. It got me thinking why? Is it only Neetu’s story or somewhere we the women have lost the track?
Here is what I believe are 10 things women must say no to be Happy.
- 1.Say no to being a Superwoman, don’t even try: Superwoman is a trap we have all fallen into sometime or the other in our lives. Most of us are trying to be perfect daughter, perfect wife, perfect Mom, perfect Daughter in law and so on. We try to be great in office and home and in social circles, just everywhere and it is exhausting. The biggest problem with pursuit of being a superwoman is that you will never be one, at least in the eyes of others and those others to whom you are trying to prove. Bad reviews will come in any case so be smart, accept you are human and be ok with less than 5 star reviews. It is less stressful and a much happier situation.
- 2.Say no being the sacrificial Lamb every time : Very often I see women who offer themselves for sacrifice every single time. It may be a situation at home like who will stay back to cook, or office situation as to who will skip the foreign tour this time, or a relationship situation where somebody has to take the backseat, it may be that glass of milk which can go to only one child, its more often than not that the woman or the girl who is sacrificed with or without her consent. This gives rise to lot of frustration and a feeling of not being important which is very detrimental to happiness. So pull your socks up and say no to being sacrificed again and again. Trust me if you will be surprised how quickly people around you begin to accept your no.
- 3.Say no to being told you are not good enough: It’s very strange but true that our society time and again wants women to believe that they not good enough. You can encounter it while you are learning to drive, or in your office or even at home. It gives everyone great pleasure to tell you that somehow you don’t match up. And the irony of it is that better you are at your stuff the greater the need of male chauvinists to bring you down. So next time when somebody tries to run you down, simply say I don’t buy your opinion, I know it’s your insecurity talking so get lost. FINISH.
- 4.Say no to being at the bottom of the priority lists: I think most women feel that they rarely are the first priority in anybody’s list. And what eventually happens is that even in their own list you are not number one. This must change. Being low on your own priority list gives rise to behaviour like stopping to recognise your needs. Moreover it makes people around believe that it’s okay to put you lower on the list because you will accept it. Put yourself as number one in your list! No it’s not selfish! And let others know that it’s not ok with you to be taken for granted every time.
- 5.Say no to giving all your time to needs of others:We women are used to giving all our time in fulfilling the needs of others. We may like to read or paint or sing or dance but there is no time for that, because somewhere it has been established that our need to have time for us is really unimportant compared to the need of having clean curtains, or a gourmet meal or ironed clothes and so on. This has a profound impact on the level of your joy. It deprives you of opportunities to really relax and do things which are enjoyable to you. From now on tell others, at least the grownups that sorry I need time for myself,the ME time and I am going to have it. Value your time and what you enjoy.
- 6.Say no to getting into a situation because others say so: A whole bunch of us have found ourselves in situations which were not our choice. We could have been pushed into a marriage when we wanted to study, we could have given up singing because it was not what the family approved of, we could be living in a foreign land when we wanted to be in our homeland, we may have had kids before we were ready and so on. These kind of decisions affect our entire life and are very crucial for feeling good and happy. So firstly know what you want then tell others that this is what I want and I will not change my decisions simply because others are saying so. So called others just wag their tongues they don’t really care what happens to you. So keeps your decision making group small and say no to OTHERS.
- 7.Say no to any kind of violence and harassment: This is really important. Don’t take harassment and/or violence , mental , physical or emotional even once. Don’t be a silent victim for any reason. Raise your voice if you are a victim or know a victim. Let the perpetrator know he cannot get away. If it happens in a relationship end it, if it happens by a stalker etc report it. And more importantly stand with each other in this. Don’t close your eyes, say a loud collective NO! This no is very crucial for the happiness of women per se.
8. Say no to being responsible for everything: Everything in your house and around you is NOT your responsibility, let other also do their bit. A lot of time without realising we become the overdoers at our own cost. Sit back and see what tasks should be other people’s responsibility. This is true for home and office. Be sure to know one thing, you will not get any applause for being a do all. I find it so weird that from the cleanliness, to food, to school, to work, to health, to not getting raped and even long life of spouses is somehow the responsibility of the woman. The effect of it is very obvious. You end up feeling guilty and a failure because humanly it’s not possible to handle that much responsibility. Make a promise to yourself today that you will bite only as much as you can chew. You will be happier.
9.Say no to trying to please everyone: The truth is that it is impossible to please everybody, in fact it is impossible to please even most of the people, most of the time. It is definitely not worth the effort. You will end up pleasing a lot of people except yourself. It is very taxing and you will never hear good things about yourself so might as well forget it. Carefully draw a small list of important people and limit your efforts to them. Tell others to go take walk and raise your happiness quotient
- 10.And finally say no to the need and expectation of explaining anything you do or don’t do: This one is the key. It’s your life and it’s the only one you have got. You have full right to choose what you want to do with it. You don’t owe explanation to anyone, sooner you accept this fact, the happier you are.
Go Gal take charge of your own happiness , love yourself and start saying NO now. #HeyWomanSayNo
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